The Champers First Ride: 2016 Ducati XDiavel 1200S

By Paul Fenn

Contributing Editor

When the Italians decide to invent a cruiser to fight for a wedge of Harley pie, you know it’s going to be at the very least worthy of your attention, and at most an exercise in soul-pleasing, psychotic overkill.

In the case of the 2016 Ducati XDiavel, it is both. And much more. But in two words, this machine is, as its name unsubtly implies, evil perverted.

Quite new to all this

Now, I cannot truthfully call myself a Ducati cultist or elitist, but I have been a connoisseur-in-training ever since my one other experience with the marque, an adrenal gland-taxing 1.5 weeks on a ’14 Multistrada which I gleefully covered several years ago:

No preconceptions

I had been involved in a court case in the US, came home to a bunch of work which I finished by Friday noon and then showed up at the arranged meeting place. I had little time to prepare for this bike, either by talking to owners or reading the press on it, which was fine because preconceptions can cause prudence. That meeting place was a truck yard a few blocks north of an aging nuclear power plant, tucked behind a bland pharma company office, which also happens to house the unassuming HQs of Brooklin Cycle Racing Inc. This I deduced after not finding the business in Brooklin, ON. That’s how I roll.

I was greeted by a laid-back, congenial and fun-loving Ducati USA PR rep. He’d flown up to Toronto from San Fran to ride a Scrambler around with a couple of other bike reviewers and me, while also checking in on the 2016 Canadian Superbike Championships, at Canadian Tire Motorsport Park, aka Mosport.

XDiavel at first glance

There’s nothing like your inaugural look at a new Ducati. You cannot help but smile and utter inanities that are no match for the marvels gleaming before you. Don’t get me wrong. I love all bikes to at least some degree, and believe motorcycles to be a momentous evolutionary leap for humanity.

But the Ducati state of mind is something you just can’t picture any other manufacturer comprehending, let alone bettering – and this from a KTMer. And having spent a week last fall in Tuscany zipping around with delightful aimlessness on a friend’s BMW R1150R, and walking away with a jacked-up appreciation of the Italian imagination, its easy confidence, sense of humour and fuck-the-rules willfulness, I thought of all that when first laying eyes on the XDiavel. And again and again while riding it.

Short people got no reason to hate

I swung aboard, noting its lowness, its overall compactness. I ride a KTM 950 Super Enduro, perhaps the most enormous and unhinged street-legal dirtbike ever made. So to me, everything short of a Boeing 777 feels low and compact. And as a person who prefers dirt to tar, I entered my XDiavel relationship with high hopes placed on the entertainment value of this strange and likely dangerous machine.

But before unspooling any of that, let’s investigate just what was intended here by the Bolognans. An initial thing you wonder is, what’s the “X” in XDiavel signifying? Ducati describes it as the merging of two worlds: The low-speed, relaxing cruiser journey meeting the high-performance sophistication of the classic Ducati character. You mean a cruiser that does 300km/h?

I’d soon attempt to find out.

First off, to say there is pull to this motorcycle is understating what are esophagus-flattening levels of torque and runaway acceleration. The 1262cc L-twin mill is home to 156 stallions, each with Stage 4 rabies (pre-rear wheel). Full specs here: canada.ducati.com/bikes/diavel/x_diavel_s/tech_spec.do

From subtle to Good God

The power initially comes on in the customary smooth and reassuring fly-by-wire manner. But soon it transforms into fierce and bracing, as in, fiercely brace your coccyx against the back of the sunken saddle, tighten your bar grip to full, thrust your feet down into the forward-mounted cruiser pegs, take a deep breath and hang on.

Because on an XDiavel under full berries you will experience difficulty aspirating, making decisions, remembering your name and doing anything other than remaining fully dedicated to steering in the general direction of the blurred grey vertical strip you recall moments ago being a road now suddenly vibrating between indefinable ribbons of green to your left and right.

Blown away

Once I reached 160km/h, my boots began to lift off the pegs, the wind attempting to peel me from the bike like a wet leaf off a car windshield. Alarming the first time it happens, but one adapts to that sort of engineer's humour.

I have to add that hitting a frost heave in the road at high speed or under grave acceleration almost gave me a concussion more than once, as the underside of my helmet slammed downward, compressing the foam, and loudly whacking my crown. My lumbar region also began sending out desperate SOS dispatches.

Mostly because of these painful episodes and the threat of many more, I never got near top speed on this bike, and neither will you – unless you own a road seamlessly paved with Dupont Corian.

Great handling is standard

Of its three electronic performance settings, Urban, Touring and Sport, I preferred Sport, mainly because I’m neither urbane nor much of a tourist. There are matrices of sub-settings available within each, letting you mix up traction control and ABS levels to taste. None of which really excited me. I just stayed in Sport and punched the throttle wherever I had room to let my black Beelzebub stretch her crazy legs.

Cornering was surprisingly competent, even elegant. Except when hitting a bump or pothole of any magnitude, the shock of which would cause me to momentarily lose my concentration – especially when blitzing it out of an apex at 11. The rear Ohlins appeared untamable, a fact confirmed through various inquiries with better-informed moto people.

And honestly, who gives a fuck?

If you want a smooth ride, steal a Lexus

But if you want to feel wide-eyed-alive and sweaty, possessed of a blackhearted, corrupting, wholly impractical tool that's dripping non-stop velocitations and who owns your soul and perpetually showers you with excessive value for money in the form of tendon-ripping torque and car-alarm-triggering exhaust symphonies that convince folks the next county over they’re being strafed by squadrons of Stukas, then order yours today.

Ride it as you will

You can also just putter along the boulevard like Harley dudes do, but with many more hotties offering you up some quality eyelash flutter.

In truth, this bike makes no sense at all. Nothing adds up but the stories. And I loved it. I’d go so far as to say I’d buy one if I had more money than I do.

If you’re Harley inclined, do yourself a favour and test-ride a XDiavel before you sign that line. You may just find yourself defecting to Italy.

2016 Ducati XDiavel Deduced

Loves

Looks - Wicked. And the guts encased within deliver exactly on the central promise. Namely: This is a cruiser with unseemly buckets of horsepower, made to devour Harleys, Triumphs and all the Japanese lowboys, while dressed for a wedding or a war. My wife, a hairdresser, found the scissors motif on the engine block fetching.

Juice – It’s got more than enough for most stock humans, unless you’re a hyperbike owner who wishes to start raising a family, or can no longer afford his or her insurance. The XDiavel will keep you smiling like a porn star getting a pay raise. Anything more than its 95 ft-lbs of torque @ 5 grand, and you’d need high-capacity rubber underpants and duct-tape to keep your hands fastened onto its fat, wide-profile handlebars.

Fuck-Off Button – Or as the manufacturer calls it, Ducati Power Launch. I am truly embarrassed to confess that I forgot to try this ingenious piece of electronica. I blame that on never becoming bored enough to bother. In short, it’s a button you push that shoots you under full power to a max of 120km/h in a coupla secs. You can dial in one of three levels of Digital Traction Control to suit your cravings. It only lets you do this a few times a session, so’s you’re left with clutch enough to get home again. My apologies to ESR readers for omitting this. I sincerely regret the error.

Cornering & Handling – It’s great. It’s safe. It’s fun. And it frequently hurts your body. But no one said this bike was any more sensible than juggling a half-dozen lit roman candles while blindfolded and drenched in gasoline.

That Back Wheel – Alloy art, and nothing sweeter anywhere. You can’t stop looking at it, and neither can your ever-growing cast of admirers.

Brakes – Bloody amazing. It’s got two 320mm semi-floating discs, radial Brembo monobloc 4-piston M50 calipers, radial master cylinder and Bosch cornering ABS as standard equipment. And that’s just the front.

Likes

Electronics – It’s good to have these options here, especially in the case of unsuspecting Harley loyalists buying one and not wanting to change underwear several times per outing. It’s also got a gear indicator, gas gauge, low fuel light, trip odos, cruise control, fuel economy indicator, international news feed and tons of other readouts that looked useful.

Exhaust Note – I like it stock. It’s only loud when in full opera, and even then it’s not going to kill that many birds or traumatize infants, unless they’re light sleepers. There are some wild muffler upgrades out there, but they’re often priced in the thousands. Besides, you may need your hearing later on in life.

Doubts

Rear Shock – Here lies my biggest beef with this bike. It shocked, but when it came to absorbing, it left that up to me. I forgive you, Ducati. However, my bulging L5 S1 disc may not. But then, I’m a pussy and my back is whiny, worn and meek. You folks decide and report back.

Seating Position – I’m 6ft, 32-inch inseam – not an optimal configuration for the XDiavel. I had two choices: Leaning back straight-armed and availing myself of a road surface’s every punishment; or slouching forward and getting a knife in my lower back from sustained poor posture and a beating from down below. I also got dagger-neck above my shoulder-blades after a couple hours of 120km/h + riding. But then, you’re not really supposed to do that.

In Conclusion

The XDiavel is a city bike with more horsepower than the Kentucky Derby. Whether you’ve been warned or tempted by this review, and you're set on a powerful cruiser bike, you’ll not be disappointed by this one.

Many thanks to Brooklin Cycle Racing Inc. for loaning the bike, to Ducati Canada for going along with the idea, and to Ducati USA for supplying ESR with such a high-spirited, generous PR man who took us all out for a memorable night on the town, and made my birthday dinner extra-delicious.

And please note: The manufacturer did not vet, sign off on, or even see this review prior to its being published on ESR. ESR: Beholden to truth, velocity and the ride.

Get previous champers reviews, road stories and kvetches here: https://eatsleepride.com/rider/champers