So I picked up my new RideInn, the speedy little drive-in motel for motorcycles, last week and assembled it on Saturday.

It comes in two boxes: a short one for the tarp and a long one for the hardware. The hardware one was heavy, and I don't mean IKEA heavy. No, I'm talking give all you possess just to get the one end up, then slide your shoulder under it, yelling Jesus Fucking Christ at least twice, as you take the load and try to get it balanced, laughing 'cause you actually did, then hurry it round the back, grunting 'Holy fucking fuck, multiple fucking vertebrae damage imminent, I will fucking do this,' with mid-July sweats in late November - that kind of heavy. By the time I set the bastard down I felt like one of two pallbearers at Mr Creosote's funeral.

'Less than 45 minutes assembly time!' yelled the box. I gave myself half a day. And I used every minute of it. Instructions were not quite as easy as I'd hoped - are they ever? I guess the makers assume a certain level of engineering knowledge, even prowess, neither of which I possess in anything resembling spades. Still, I could have gotten a lot more wrong than I did, which was substantial. The assembly gods owed me that one.

Not drinking alcohol is highly recommended before starting or completing assembly of the RideInn.

Once it was up though, it worked with pure elegance. Like a giant baby buggy bonnet, it slides along a track and the front half rotates down to the ground. And though it's made well and has some mass, your great-granny could operate it, it's that light. It has a couple of flimsy-looking plastic clips to hold it open, which may prove unmatched to a decent winter, but their failure could easily be remedied. It has two side vents, and there's even standing room for me, a six-footer, in there.

Apparently the owner of the company that sells and makes the RideInn out of his printed circuit board plant in Mississauga, a unique suburb west of Toronto, is also its inventor. I was told that the thing's doing very well. I can see why: It takes less time and requires far fewer expletives than getting a motorcycle cover on and off. It looks quite tidy and professional, enough that you could keep your garage and basement overflow in it without devaluing your neighbours' properties much.

It has six bolt holes, so you can attach it to a sheet of plywood or direct to mother earth, as I did. You should too; if it got bouncing around in a 50mph-plus breeze it would do some seriously exciting damage. I also do not recommend dropping your motorcycle while sitting on it closed up inside the RideInn, which I nearly did. The outcome of that happening still rattles me a bit.

I give RideInn a 9 out of 10, with an extra citation for the little joke in the instructions that came exactly at the right moment. The missing point is for the absent pins to lock it down, and the lack of explanation on a few piddly things. But I do love it.

Examine it here:

A little more champers, anyone?

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@herringc I do, and she kisses back with even more eloquence.


hope he don't kiss his mama with that filthy mouth


This was properly funny.